The Ballad of Big Joe

Hot and dusty, he ran into the saloon,
A strong drink he gulped right down;
"Everybody had better run!" he screamed,
"Fer Big Joe's a'comin to town!"
"Fer Big Joe's a'comin to town!"

"Big Joe... Who's he?" The new barkeep asked,
With a puzzled look on his face.
"The meanest, dirtiest man alive," he cried,
"He's coming to clear out this place!"

He's big and ugly! He's tall and strong!
Yeah, the baddest dude, thumbs down!
Now when the patrons got an ear of this,
They high-tailed it out of town!
They high-tailed it out of town!

But b'fore the barkeep could up'n leave,
He heard the most god-awful sound;
Chains and spurs... cussin and fussin...
So towards the door he whirled around!

There stood the biggest and ugliest man,
Yeah, one that could do some harm;
He had fists as large as cannon balls,
And cannons he had for arms!
And cannons he had for arms!

He had stringy, filthy beard and hair,
A twenty gallon hat on his head;
He came tromping towards the bar,
With face a'glowin blood red.

His breath smelled like polecat fumes,
His fire eyes stared fast and long;
He growled as he slammed two bits down,
A bottle of whiskey... make it strong!
A bottle of whiskey... make it strong!

The bartender turned around slowly,
Took a gallon from the shelf;
This giant of a man drank and drank,
Till not a single drop was left.

He wiped his mouth on his sleeve
His hand fell down to his gun;
Said glarin at the barkeep,
"Hey Mister, aint you going to run?"
"Hey Mister, ain't you going to run?"

The barkeep was frozen like a statue,
A'needin intervention.
Swallowing hard... he sent up a little prayer
Saying, "O God what can be done?"

This goliath said; "I need a big strong horse"
"And one that won't slow me down,
And mister, you'd better come with me...

Fer ain't you heard?

Big Joe's a'comin to town!
Big Joe's a'comin to town!" 

© Loyd C.Taylor