O yes, O yes … ever’body stand…

The honorable Judge Billy Bob,
Over this’er court’ll be presidin;
Y’all lis'en fer us ta call yur name, 
Then tell where y’all be residin.

Now before we go any ferther,
Into this respectful trial t’day;
I’ll warn yuh once, but not twice,
Best hear what I’m bout t’say!

Ain’t gonna be cell phones er pagers,
No IPods or Blue-tooth in yer ear;
We won’t have them’ole baggy pants,
You’d better pull em up rat here!

There’s t’be no movin around,
And no vulgar skin that’s bare;
We won’t tolerate any fussin or cussin, 
Or it’s a heap of trouble, I swear!

There’ll be no wearin of any hats,
No talkin er gawkin at others;
No snoring, and no nose borin,
Yuh hear me, sisters en’ brothers?

Another thing I need t’make clear,
‘Bout them youngens there in the pew;
If they make any’ole racket at all,
They’ll leave here, en’ so will you!

Now listen up, now set rat down,
Look up hear and hush yur mouths;
I’m mighty proud ta welcome y’all,
To my court, here in the South.

God save the South… God save us all!

© Loyd C. Taylor
Court Day in the South