I heard the tale of a preacher
Who was boring and out of touch;
Most of his sermons were dry or dead,
And he spoke softly way too much.

He had heard an awful rumor,
From church gossip it had been told,
“The church was going to fire him,
Hire a young one, handsome and bold.”

He sought counsel from a wise man,
Tried to salvage his position.
He gleaned ample bits of wisdom
That soon changed his disposition.

Now the words from that old wise man
He thought simple, but O, so wise,
“Just preach hell hot and heaven sweet,
Be bold and look them in the eyes!”

So he practiced this sound advice
As in the pulpit he waxed bold,
Then the crowds began to pour in,
And lambs were added to the fold.

But the church got their wish, you see,
For his fame spread to many lands;
Then a larger congregation,
Came and took him right off their hands.

The old church began to dwindle,
From the pulpit there was no sound;
And so many stopped attending
That today it’s no longer found.

So the lesson to be learned here?
“Churches, take care what you wish for;
Give thanks for the preacher you have,
Lest you too have to close the door.”

A Chastukas poem

© Loyd C. Taylor
How to Get Rid of Your Preacher